


(Anti)Social Behavior

by Leni



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leni/pseuds/Leni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post 'The Gift'. Spike has decided to help Dawn out of her boredom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Anti)Social Behavior

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evil_Little_Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/gifts).



> Written for . Prompt: ['It's only funny 'til someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.'](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/418773.html?thread=67784917#t67784917)

Crouched at the edge of her lawn, Dawn eyed the patch of sidewalk in front of her house. Between the weak light from the lamp post and the thin cord Spike had found in her mom's fix-it-yourself drawer, she had to squint to see the line running across the walk a few inches above the cement.

Perfect tripping height, Spike had assured her.

Undetectable too, he'd promised when she had wavered, envisioning Tara's disappointed face and Willow's version of discipline. Add the turned off lights at the porch, and they'd be near invisible as well.

Not that her hesitation had lasted much after Spike's promise to take the blame if they were discovered. "Not that we will," he'd muttered as they found a good spot.

"Someone might get hurt," she said now as she straightened.

Spike shrugged. "Nah." He started back toward the house, then paused to wave her over. "Comin'?"

Dawn gave a last look at the waiting trap, then gave a shrug herself and followed the vampire. He'd already borrowed a couple cushions from the living room and arranged them into a cozy seat on the front steps. Dawn settled on one side and waited until Spike had sat at her right before leaning her head against his shoulder. "This is boring."

He tapped her side with his elbow. "Have some faith, Miss Impatience. The back-from-the-office parade will start soon."

"I don't think this is what Willow meant by keeping me entertained."

Willow had taken the Buffybot out for a test run at the cemetery. According to what she'd overheard, it was better for everybody's peace of mind that Spike stayed behind - to take care of Dawn, of course; but mostly because the robot's reprogramming suffered huge setbacks when it caught sight of Spike.

If Dawn never heard the words 'and then she _jumped_ and _mouth-mauled_ Spike' again, she'd be happy. The visual alone made her want to throw something heavy and sharp at someone's head: sometimes Spike's, sometimes whoever had built the damn thing, and sometimes her sister, because none of this would have happened if she'd stuck around.

"First victim at nine o'clock," Spike said from beside her, jolting her out of her thoughts.

When she looked at him in confusion, he tipped his beer (when had he gotten a beer?) to their left.

A woman clicked her way down the sidewalk, a briefcase in one hand and a cellphone in the other. As she approached, Dawn could hear her angry voice: "...and I don't care, John. You either get me that raise or I'll - _fuck!_ " It was a miracle how she instantly recovered her balance on those high heels. Dawn was impressed. "No!" The woman barked into her phone, forgetting the little incident in favor of whatever was being said on the other side of the line. "I'm _not_ fucking you again, you little bastard. You either...."

Her voice faded away. "Wow," Dawn whispered. "That was -"

"Sh!" Spike followed the woman with his eyes, head cocked slightly as he was obviously catching every word of the bizarre conversation. "She a neighbor?" he asked at last.

Dawn considered. "Perhaps?"

Spike shook his head. "What's wrong with knowing your neighbors these days?"

Her tongue stuck out at him, something about his tone bringing out the brat in her. "Sorry. In this household, we'd rather save 'em than meet 'em."

"Might have to make an exception," he whispered, giving a last wistful look at the stranger.

Dawn tapped the bottom of his beer as he brought it to his mouth, making some drops fly about. "Ew," she said when he glared at her. "Perv it down on my watch, will you."

Just as she spoke, another woman rounded the corner. Even a fourteen-year-old knew those curves would earn a comment - or three - from Spike. Especially when there was a definite prospect of ... bouncing... as she tripped up.

Yup. There went gravity at its raunchiest.

Spike raised an eyebrow and gave a silent whistle.

Dawn buried her face in her hands. "Perv."

"Drink your beer and shut up."

That perked her up. "I get beer?"

"You do now," he answered easily, eyes still fixed to the... bouncing... as the unknown brunette fought to recover her breath. He picked up a can and opened it, then held it up just where she couldn't reach and gave her a look. "If you shut up."

Dawn countered with a grin. "About you being a perv or a corrupter of minors?"

Spike's attention whipped back to her, perhaps because the woman was sauntering away. "Cheeky." But he handed her the cold can.

Another twenty minutes passed, with only one more passerby walking - and tripping - by them. It was an older man, so beside the inventive cursing, there was little entertainment.

She had also used that time to wonder how to get rid of her beer without Spike noticing. That stuff was bitter and weird. How had he gone through the rest of the six-pack?

"Seems the show's over," Spike said after swallowing his last drink. "Wanna turn in?"

Dawn nodded, then pointed out. "Shouldn't we take it down?"

He sighed. "Guess so." Spike stood up, not the least unstable as any guy would be after five beers. Being a vampire didn't suck all the time, Dawn supposed. "Wait," he said, tilting his head and sniffing the air. "I smell a new sucker."

Not ten seconds later, Xander came into sight. He smiled at Dawn, but scowled at the company she was keeping.

As if there'd been anyone else willing to spend the evening with her.

"We really should tell him what he's walking into," Dawn murmured.

"Yep," Spike agreed.

Neither of them said another word until...

"Dawn. Raise your right hand _now_."

She obeyed.

The metal of the beer can glinted as it rose in the air.

Xander's eyes bugged out and he picked up his pace. "The hell! Are you _drinking_?! You're just a _kid_." Before Dawn could protest, Xander's angry glare had narrowed on Spike. "You overgrown flea... Just wait until - damnit!"

It seemed to happen in slow motion.

Outside her vision, the cord connected with his shin. Xander staggered, unable to keep his balance since he'd been in a rush to get at them. His arms made a last-second attempt to grab onto something - anything. His throat made a helpless noise ...and he fell knees first, then rolled to his side with a pained groan.

She should feel some concern at seeing her sister's best friend sprawled on the street.

She should offer her help. Now.

She should... at least tell Spike not to laugh under his breath.

No, wait. That was her.

"There'll be hell to pay," Spike whispered after Xander had picked himself up and turned toward them, murder in his eyes.

Dawn gave a last snicker. "Totally worth it."

 

***

The End  
01/04/13


End file.
